So, in the past few years , my life has, for the most part, completely changed and I have an ambition and drive that are fairly foriegn to me.Like most people, life had kicked me in the crotch enough times, I began to think that I may need to just sit the rest of it out.
See, the smiling , sign spinning misfit that always tries to find the smiles or at least create them has not always been that person. Much of my life has been , turmoil, insanity and struggle.. most of which I created for myself and I have always accepted that
so before we begin this journey together, I need to share a few things with y’all..one , in many ways ,many would see me as a very damaged individual and it would be hard to disagree with that.
My first memory comes in the form of reoccuring nightmares remembering my mother commiting suicide in front of me at just over a year old. I aso deal daily with bipolarism and debilating anxiety. I deal with the fact that many of my life choices have followed me for a life time, but I learned to work through it. I have had to face the fact that as much love as i have for my kids, my ability and track record as a father are shit, but we we continue to work on it because i was blessed with amazing yet complex kids, I am haunted by the memory of my lifeless sons body in my arms moments after his birth..
There are many days when y’all see the SpinDoc out there dancing, busting his ass to be the life of the party.. please know that many times it is very much a mask I wear, along with the costume and crown. But I have to thank you all for your kind words and support. I already have taken leaps and strides i would have never thought possible merely a couple years ago. It has been very much a life changing move for me and I hope I can inspire at least one of you into believing in yourselves.
Thank you all, you are just what this Doc ordered..